Wild + Fire October 31, 2007
This is what the noontime sky looked like the day of the Camp Pendleton fire:
And this is what the noontime sky normally looks like:
(See more pix here: 
wordless wednesday
Wordless Wednesday )
Costume Suggestions by Elvis October 30, 2007
Look at me, I’m Blue Hawaii Elvis. I’ve got a lei and a ukulele—
NOW GIMME SOME CANDY!
Look at me, I’m Disco Elvis, I have fluttery sleeves and glittery buttons—
NOW GIMME SOME CANDY!
Look at me, I’m hiding behind my arm. Now you see me now you don’t—
NOW GIMME SOME CANDY!
Look at me, I’m The Pope, see me giving the sign of the cross in the back—
NOW GIMME SOME CANDY!
Chin Up October 29, 2007
The ad atop my email account today was “Chin liposuction $2400.”
You want a piece of this?
I guess those automated word checkers that choose which ads go where seized on the following message I sent:
Dear Chin,
You are SO. FAT! SO. FAT! I CAN’T STAND YOU, YOU STUPID FAT CHIN OF MINE!
One of these days, I am going to get a chin liposuction and then I will be BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Can someone please tell me where I can get a CHIN LIPSOSUCTION? DOES SUCH A THING EVEN EXIST?!!!!!
For the love of Dr. 90210, who would spend $2400 on a chin liposuction?
If you really need to alter a face with your spare $2400 (and I say “spare” because I truly hope that no one is actually saving up for something like this), consider giving the gift of cleft lip operations to needy children. Your $2400 covers the cost of almost 10 operations.
Besides, according to Tevye, a big chin is a good thing.
“I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man’s wife, with a proper double chin.”
I’m Walking to New Orleans October 26, 2007
Rather, I’m walking in New Orleans. That’s what you do when your car isn’t moving. Why wasn’t my car moving, you ask? Oh, you know, water. Everywhere. (Lousy pump system, teeth gritted *&%$!!).
It was a nice rainy Monday morning, when you wake up and hear the drizzle through the window, that glorious happy sound of water that makes you want to cuddle up and read a book. But it was my last day in town, and there were things I wanted to do, so I got dressed and drove to Rue de la Course where I opened up my journal and wrote for the next two hours.
After that, my hand said no more, and I decided to drive to my old school, but the rain was heavy by then and the water was too much when I got towards my school, so I turned back around and headed back to Magazine Street where I had been. Unfortunately, when I returned to Magazine Street, I could not find a viable parking spot, and then I wound up making a frenzied turned onto the WRONG street.
I spotted heaven in the form of a high ground parking lot half a block up, and was confident I could make it.
(Let’s take this moment to remind ourselves to NOT always trust in our own confidence.)
I was five feet or so away from heaven when my car sputtered and gave out.
No.
Nononononononononononono.
I restarted the engine. It started back up. I moved another foot. Stopped again.
(Repeat entire procedure one more time, complete with the “nonononononononono”)
There was a man standing on the sidewalk watching me, the whole time motioning with his hands for me to “come on, you can do it!” and I kept looking back to him like, yes, you are my compass, I am going to make it! But on the last stop, it was obvious I was not going to make it. I stared at him through my window with the windshield wipers flashing back and forth between us, and he just shook his head. A second later, he was taking his shoes off and rolling his pants up.
I opened my car door and water immediately sloshed into it. I stepped out and the water rose to just above my knee. The guy and I pushed my car about a foot or two when we spotted another guy a block away and waved him down. He immediately came over, took his shoes off and rolled his pants up and stepped into the water to help us out.
Together, we pushed my car into the parking lot. I thanked them, we bade farewell, and went our separate ways. I was about halfway home when another downpour started up, and soaked me from head to toe. I didn’t care by that point, because a certain thought was on my mind (aside from “I’m soooo blogging about this”):
Chivalry is not dead. These men were strangers to me, and to each other. And in the middle of a flooded street, in a lull between downpours, they immediately kicked their shoes off and rolled their pants up to help me push my car. They did not question and they did not complain. They just did it. Although I don’t consider myself too much like Blanche DuBois, I do love her remark, “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Those words have come into my life on many occasions. This is one of them.
To Andrew and the nameless man, I thank you both.
***
I am now back in California, surrounded by ash and soot. What is usually a striking cobalt blue sky is a hazy mist of brown, like someone took the sands of the Mojave Desert and threw it into the sky. School has been cancelled for the second day in a row and the school’s Fall Festival that would have taken place tomorrow has also been cancelled. We’re going to receive an update on Sunday as to whether or not school will start up again on Monday.
First a flood, now a fire. What next? Locusts?
Oh. Grasshoppers.
Many Things, but not Boring October 25, 2007
School has been cancelled today due to concern about air quality from the wildfires. I pulled out all the Christmas toys the kids received last Christmas that I put on the top shelf of their closet to save for a rainy day, and while today is the furthest thing from rainy, it seemed like the day to break them out. It’s like a mini-Christmas over here. If it weren’t so hot outside, I’d make us hot chocolate and marshmallows and put Rudolph on the TV. I’m kind of glad that I don’t need to deal with school today and the kids are distracted by new toys indoors, as I am still suffering a lack of energy, the kind that always follows my trips to New Orleans.
Some of the highlights of the trip:
1. Sandwich Action: the gals sitting next to me at Balcony Bar danced with my cousin’s boyfriend (read: smothered him) to help him celebrate his birthday. We took pictures.
2. Restroom Rebels: even though the sign said “One person per bathroom please, or you will be asked to leave” my cousin and I both went in (oooh) and the bartender charged on over and pounded that door and yelled at us “ONLY ONE AT A TIME! HEY!” (she was a friend of my cousin’s so we didn’t get asked to leave)
3. Geaux Saints: who doesn’t love live football, especially when your team wins?
4. Bywater Art Market: two decorative tiles came home with me
5. Maple Leaf: Afroskull’s ten year anniversary show, complete with a solo by Wild Koba
6. Wedded Bliss: in addition to the actual wedding, there was also a bridal luncheon, a picnic in Audubon Park, and breakfast with the bride. Their favor was personalized koozies!
7. School Library: visited the school library that my friend is the librarian for and met some of her students. The school was previously located in the Ninth Ward and their library went from 55,000 books to 500. Now, they’re up to 2,000.
8. Election Time: always fun.
9. The Ridiculous Rental Car Experience: Have you ever stood in water reaching above your thigh while pushing your rental car into a parking lot? You’re not missing out.
10. Drunk Man at Juan’s Flying Burrito: I shared a quarter of my cookie with him and he bought me two drinks. He sure got the short end of that deal.
11. Chance Encounters: Ran into this guy who apparently worked at the same restaurant I worked at, had been to my house, and had made out with my best friend. I had no recollection of who he was and accused him of being a liar. I promptly called my best friend, who then confirmed his story, and informed me it was immediately after I moved away.
12. Downtown Dancing: spent quality time with my cousin at Molly’s and R Bar and whatever restaurant it was that we happened upon that was actually still open. Then the cab driver didn’t know how to get me home and I had to call my friends at 4:15 in the morning and ask for directions.
13. Sleeping: No. Not so much.
(This list part of Thursday Thirteen, which you can also learn about here)
The Reincarnationist by M.J. Rose October 24, 2007
Short Summary: Josh Ryder is hurt in a bomb explosion and begins reliving past lives. As he tries to work out the anxiety he feels from these past life moments, he encounters other people with past lives who intersected with his own past lives. Through the course of this book, you will meet power-hungry rich folks, devout archaeologists, lusty pagans in Rome circa 391 A.D., and jumped up New Yorkers at the turn of the century living out their own Hamlet-inspired life.
Oh yeah, and a kid.
Hmm, and romance.
Ooh, it also has—oh forget it… this book has a little bit of everything.
I used to read thrillers all the time. Now, I generally read them when I’m flying or if I’ve heard a lot about it. When the opportunity came up to review this book, I signed up because the idea of a past life in Rome sounded interesting. As far as airplane reading goes, this book lives up: a compelling weave of plotlines, action, adventure, and characters to create drama and excitement for me while I’m sitting in between two strangers in my cozy Southwest Airlines seat, chugging Ginger Ale and eating cracker sticks and cheese dip. There is a scene where a man strategically places large gemstones on a woman before making love to her, and let me tell you, when you’re reading that, you do not care that the thigh of the somewhat overweight woman next to you is resting on your own thigh and making movement virtually impossible (heh, I had the last laugh, though, because she had NO IDEA how dirty my jeans were).
Basically, the book is entertaining and interesting. She could have sped up the beginning a bit. If I had been in a library and only read the first couple chapters, I might not have checked it out and brought it home, but since my only other option was to cheat on the middle level crossword puzzle in Spirit magazine, I kept reading. I’m glad I did, because it really picked up.
In some parts, I thought it made too much emphasis on HOW IMPORTANT THE DISCOVERY IS. I honestly tried to go with this idea that “the Church” (if the book ever becomes an audience participation movie, you would all say “booooo” right now) would explosively lose their minds and world chaos would ensue if it could be proven beyond scientific doubt that reincarnation does exist (GASP!!!!!), but alas, I wasn’t biting. Ms. Rose could have removed the entire Church-vs-reincarnation and the book would have been fine for me. In fact, if she had removed all the Church-vs-reincarnation bits and replaced them with sex, it probably would have been much better (cue the 9 1/2 Weeks score).
So, there you have it. A book to read on your next airplane ride. Hope you’re going somewhere fun. And give me a call if your rental car floods. I know how to handle that now.
Things to know about this book:
Buy the book here.
More on the author here.
Want to read books like this? Go here.
I end with a spoiler/warning: superfluous rape scene on p. 13. Only a few sentences a long. I hate reading them, especially when they’re thrown in for no good reason.
Geaux Saints October 24, 2007
I just got back from from my trip to NOLA. I took this picture on Sunday at the Saints game against the Falcons. Southern University’s marching band did the halftime performance. Awesome game, awesome times. I love New Orleans. (But I hate flash floods — more on that later).
(See more pix here: wordless wednesday
Wordless Wednesday )
Another Tacky Postcard Post October 16, 2007
For anyone who ever mixed up Mississippi and Missouri on their fifth grade geography tests–
Another donkey going incognito
and then spotted again in Missouri
Hey, Iowa. Nebraska’s calling. They want their corn and dorkness back.
The real question behind these postcards, though, is what sights are we seeing in Mississippi, Missouri, and Iowa?
Ah.
All I can think of are ridiculous puns making use of the word udder, and frankly, it’s best I not subject you to them.
Jobs October 15, 2007
I saw this on both Poppy Fields and Whee! All the Way Home(who both coincidentally worked at K-Mart) and thought it looked like fun.
All the jobs I’ve ever had, in order:
Babysitter
Sunday School Teacher (laugh if you must, but I was pretty good at it)
Blockbuster Video Customer Service Rep (I appear in one of their instructional videos wherein I say “Wow! That sounds like a great deal!”)
Avon Sales Rep (I used most of the samples myself)
Pocahontas (for children’s birthday parties)
Alumni Fund Phone Rep (lasted about three weeks)
Restaurant Hostess
School Admissions Office Student Telecounselor (called prospective students to “speak candidly about student life”)
Live-in Nanny (a summer in a swanky Jersey burb with a five minute walk to a train station that took me to New York City.)
Tutor (BO-RING)
Waitress (anything but boring and often not in a good way)
Computer Sales (a decent gig with many typical Dilbert frustrations)
Freelance Writer
Worst job? Avon. I was too young for it and I always felt pushy.
Most fun job? School Admissions Office – I worked with my best friend and some supremely hilarious people. Oh, the shenanigans that went on there…
Most satisfying job? Pocahontas. I was welcomed into homes full of joy, good food, and little girls who idolized me. And they never doubted I was Pocahontas. Never.
Most exciting job? Live-in nanny. The excitement was not the nannying itself, but how I spent my time when I wasn’t watching the kids. I spent my days at country club pools, indulging in ice cream treats, and my evenings and days off in the City. I didn’t sleep much that summer.
Dream job? My current job: writer. Although I’d like to get paid more for it. I also hope it eventually changes from freelance writer to novelist. All in good time.
(Yes, I know in my previous post I said I was going to be less personal, but everyone had such nice things to say about do what makes you happy and besides, this post is strictly about me.)
For other bloggers waxing poetic on their job experiences, visit Sunday Scribblings.
